Sunday, November 13, 2005

Conversations With My Brother

[After overhearing some guy let out a huge belch while having kuay thiew at a roadside vendor]
JASON: Man, I can never burp.
LYNN: What are you talking about? Everyone can burp. Even babies can burp.
J: Nuh-uh. I can't.
L: Yes you can, dimwit. I used to burp you when you were a baby. Sometimes you'd hurl all over my shoulder, too.
J (shaking head): Not anymore, I can't.
L: Well, next time you feel a rush of gas coming up your esophagus, let it out.
J: I can't. Whenever a rush of gas comes up my esophagus, it ends up getting pushed back down and out my ass.

[At Foodland]
J: Why do they put the sanitary napkins and tampons next to the dog food?
L: For continuity.
J: What do you mean?
L: Because we women can be total bitches during that time of month. I thought you should know that by now.

[A week ago, while sitting around completely bored out of our skulls during a wedding reception at the Oriental Hotel]
J (completely out of the blue): Would you rather sh*t at the Den Chai train station in Prae province or on the train?
L: At the train station, of course.
J: Why?
L: Because I wouldn't want to sh*t on a rocking toilet.
J: But if you were to sh*t at the train station, you'd have to pay 2 baht just to use the toilet. I know it's only 2 baht, but why should they charge you for your sh*t. Sh*t isn't worth that much, not even my sh*t.
L: No sh*t, sherlock.

NOTE: This last conversation was held while sitting at a table with a well-known khun ying with gravity-defying hair. Later, while slipping away to the ladies' room to give my numb face a break from smiling at yet another stranger I "just had to meet," I was surprised to learn that the person barking on her cell phone whilst taking a dump in the last stall was none other than the khun ying. This isn't the first time I've encountered such a thing, but still I found it rather ironic that this should happen mere minutes after holding a conversation about, well, sh*t.


Currently Reading: My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Picoult. This fantastic book now joins the ranks as one of my all-time favorite books ever. I don't know why I waited so long to getting around to reading it; after all, the premise is brilliant, the issues complex, and at the very heart of it all is a riveting, evocative and incredibly poignant story. Never before has a book made me weep so (well, maybe The Time Traveler's Wife, but still). Though this novel is marketed as YA, I highly recommend it to everyone and anyone of all ages. Go ahead and read an excerpt to get a taste. If this story doesn't touch you in some way, then all I have to say is that you, my friend, have a heart of stone.

Currently Playing: Collide by Howie Day. I drove my brother insane playing Collide on repeat the entire day yesterday, a weird habit I tend to have whenever I get all OCD about a certain song (pretty often). This is one of the prettiest songs I've heard in a long while and is very reminiscent of Damien Rice's radio remix version of Cannonball, another tres beautiful song.

Currently Banging: The keyboard, you perverts. On a whim, I joined NaNoWriMo again this year to see if I could bang out 50,000 words by the end of November. I've got 25,007 words so far, so I think I'm doing okay. I just have to bang out another 25,000 words, somewhere in between the exams on MY BIRTHDAY and the 26th, the four days spent entertaining family friends of ours who will be in T-Land from the 18th-22nd, and THE NEW HARRY POTTER MOVIE THAT HITS THAILAND ON THE 17TH!!!!! GAH. Either everything will work out and I'll pull a total Wonderwoman act this month, or I'll go completely insane. We'll see which happens first...

Currently Pining Over: The new Pride and Prejudice movie. It's already out in the US, so GET YOUR ASSES TO THE THEATER, AMERICA. In the meantime, I must impatiently wait two more agonizing months for dear Mr. Darcy. :( I could download the film off bittorrent, but... No. Must. Resist. Urge, even though I'm dying to see the much talked about first proposal scene. Oooh.


At Sunday, November 13, 2005 1:21:00 AM, Blogger Elemmaciltur said...

You know, I have just the same problem with burping! And I get reflux from it sometimes and it leaves my chest burning. *urgh*

*ROFL* at the thing about Khun Ying on the loo barking into the phone! What a coincidence after the convo with your brother.

At Sunday, November 13, 2005 1:43:00 AM, Blogger lkxzz8cuse8dfwek said...

Great blog. Lots of things that I really enjoyed. Thank you and keep up the wonderful work!

At Sunday, November 13, 2005 3:10:00 AM, Blogger Katie said...

I started drooling when I first saw that there was going to be a new "Pride and Prejudice" movie. :)

At Sunday, November 13, 2005 8:38:00 AM, Blogger Baba said...

I never understood people that talk on their mobile phones whilst in the toilet. It's not right. It's not like you can desguise plopping sounds.

Anyway, talking of burping, I was always envious of people who could recite the alphabet burping. I can only burp spontaneously, it seems.

At Sunday, November 13, 2005 12:25:00 PM, Blogger naeglerian said...

Oooh...a GI blog post! I am most pleased.

You are a brave woman for choosing the Denchai train station over the train. Although I've never set foot in that station, every other bus/train station toilet I've been in has been completely foul and dank, with water (well, I sure hope it was water) everywhere.

If you can get away with a khunyingfro, you can get away with talking while dropping the kids off at the lake.

BTW, people cannot belch while supine.

At Sunday, November 13, 2005 9:58:00 PM, Blogger james said...

Happy B-Day!
Pride and Prejudice: It looks good and is probably worth seeing but the problem is movies like Doom and Jarhead are also out. Those usually get seen first )

YA book! Hmmm, you know, I don't know if I can bring myself to that. I loved the The Time Traveler's Wife however so who knows. A 30 real old guy buying a YA book is pretty creepy.

At Monday, November 14, 2005 12:36:00 AM, Blogger Lynn said...

Elemmaciltur: Yeah, heartburn's the worst, isn't it?

Thanks, Persepolis. :)

Katie: Tell me about it! Doesn't Matthew MacFadyen as Darcy look positively yummy? (I mean, Colin who?)

Baba: I know, it's not like you can say you're stuck in traffic and blame the plopping noises on whizzing motorcycles or whatever. Whoever you're talking to is so going to know what's going on on your end of the line. Jeez.

When I was younger, I used to know this kid in summer camp who could burp the national anthem. I used to think he deserved a special award from the President.

Kris: Have you ever ridden regular class on a Thai train? The toilets are literally holes in the floor of the train. Can you imagine what it must be like to take a dump with the wind blowing at your ass? Um, yeah. Okay, ew. That was way too graphic. Even for me. =X

James: It's a shame more people are going to flock to the theaters this weekend to watch a 50 Cent movie than a Jane Austen classic. Ah well, once P&P gets to Thailand, I guess I'll just have to watch it more than once to even things out. ;)

Definitely give My Sister's Keeper a chance! The main protaganist may be a teenager, but the book is also told from the viewpoints of various members of the family.

"A 30 real old guy buying a YA book is pretty creepy." <--- That's what you've got Amazon for!

At Monday, November 14, 2005 12:21:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Khun Lynn those conversations cracked me up! I'm giggling to myself here like a crazy person :P That last one totally mirrors a situation I was in a couple weeks ago. I went into the ladies room for a tinkle and some older lady was on her cell phone screaming in Mandarin and totally dropping bombs! My knees were totally shaking from trying not to explode from laughter.

I've never read My Sister's Keeper but have heard a lot about it. I think I'll read your excerpt and hopefully pick it up some time per your recommendation :) Let's please hope my heart isn't made of stone. :X


At Monday, November 14, 2005 9:54:00 PM, Anonymous Swita said...

God, totally late, but happy birthday lynn :) you can blame the lateness on the fact that i dont have internet at home. hey, we were practically the two youngest kids in our class of 2000 (except for Pai (dec) and some other anomalies). Ha! Gravity-defying hair. Wonder what that looks like. I think that's accomplished with hairspray, but im not sure.

At Tuesday, November 15, 2005 4:10:00 AM, Anonymous Poeh said...

haha, great dialogues. although i would pick neither and hold the crap inside until i find a decent place to go. when you see those public restrooms in malaysia, then all of the sudden you are surprised how strong your bladder is.

and a happy belated Birthday!! wish you health and above all happiness.

At Tuesday, November 15, 2005 9:12:00 PM, Blogger Lynn said...

Pam: Too funny. XD Do you think bomb-dropping whilst talking on the cell phone is something that happens to all Asian women when they get older? Do you think that'll happen to us? God, promise to slap me if it does!

And Pam, you're the last person on Earth with a heart even remotely stone-like. :)

Tweet: My birthday isn't for another four more days, but thanks anyway! Now that you mention it, I DO remember how you, me, Pai, Chiki, and Alice were the babies of the Class of 2000. I think that excuses us for some of the embarrassing things we did in high school. Like me and my whole Hanson obsession and you and your booger comics. ;D

Poeh: I totally agree. Why crap in a crap toilet when God gave us colon sphincters to hold it all in? ;) And thank you for the bday wishes!

At Wednesday, November 23, 2005 8:30:00 AM, Blogger Arkworld said...

lynn..those conversations were great. :D

happy belated birthday. how could i forget "the greatest day in all of history"?!?

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