To Whom it May Concern (Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince Hits BKK)

To the Boy Standing Behind Me As We Waited in Line For Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince at Central Chidlom's B2S:

Hi, remember me? I was the person standing in front of you and your mom at the line at Central Chidlom, aka the person you referred to oh so eloquently as "that old person."

THAT OLD PERSON!

Now, I do realize that at the age of 10, anyone above the mighty age of 20 might come across as older. However, note I use the word older here, for while I am certainly much older than your tender 10 years, I must also note that I AM MOST CERTAINLY NOT OLD!!!!

I mean, since when is 22 old???? Huh? HUH?

HUH????

Now, I also realize that, when you referred to me as such, you might have been trying to make a point to your otherwise very unenthusiastic mom, someone who apparently does not seem to appreciate the joy of reading, nor the joy of all things magical and Harry Potter-esque (and I feel for you here, I really, honestly do). That, however, does NOT give you the right -- in my book, at least -- to go around pointing at random people and be all, "See Mom? Even THAT OLD PERSON is buying Harry Potter. I told you OLD PEOPLE like to read Harry Potter, too."

!!!!!!!!!!

And by the way, I find it really sad that your mom should think that reading about magical creatures and magical worlds is nothing but a "waste of time and money." Do keep in mind that it is only because of your mother's obviously very negative attitude towards books and reading that I have looked deep within my heart and chosen to forgive you, despite your not-so-cool faux pas.

Unsincerely yours,
Lynn

~*~

To the Group of Loud Gossip Girls Standing in Front of Me as We Waited in Line:

Though you lot didn't refer to me as old, ancient, decrepit, or anything else of that category (and for that, I am grateful), I, however, cannot say you were much nicer than the "that old person!" boy.

First of all, it's not really nice to talk about other girls at your school and refer to them as "fat bitches." So maybe the FBs have crushes on your boyfriend, who, according to your posse of girlfriends, is "like, sooo hot," but I still don't think it's very nice of you girls to go around planning ways to "get back at those fat bitches" for simply admiring your boyfriend from afar.

I mean, I may not have been in high school for about five years now, but whatever happened to us girls sticking together, huh? The Immaculate Sisterhood and all that?

Secondly, as much as I love the color pink, I do not think it makes for very nice eyeshadow, even if it DOES match your hot-pink spaghetti strap top and the "yo bitch!" imprints on your six-inch long stretch mini-skirt. Oh, and a friendly word of advice -- you know, sister to sister -- ten layers of eyeshadow -- regardless of the color -- never did any girl any good.

Of course, if you want to be mistaken for a Patpong go-go bar girl, then hey, I say, GO FOR IT!

Alas, perhaps the biggest blow of all was when I learned at the end of your little girl talk episode that you -- of all places -- currently attend the high school I once did.

I am ashamed and appalled to see my fellow alma mater sisters acting in such a way.

ASHAMED AND APPALLED.

Shamefully yours,
Lynn

~*~

To the Boy Who, in a Flurry of Excitement Upon Purchasing His Copy of HP&HBP, Turned to the End of the Book, Audibly Gasped, and Announced For All to Hear WHO WAS GOING TO DIE AT THE END OF THE BOOK:

You know, that wasn't a very cool thing to do. No, not very cool at all.

It is because of you that my reading experience for the sixth Harry Potter book has now been ruined -- RUINED!!! Now, as I morosely flip through the seventh chapter, where I left off at to write this here entry, all I can think about is your tearful -- yet oddly jubilant-sounding -- voice crying out, "******** dies!!!" (Note to any HP readers: the number of asteriks hold absolutely no meaning whatsoever, so even if they happen to coincidentally match up with a character's name, like, say, Buckbeak, do keep in mind that I just punched in any random number of asteriks and that they hold NO MEANING AT ALL.)

Now why would you do that? WHY???

I guess I don't have much to say to you...

Other than YOU SUCK.

Scathingly yours,
Lynn

~*~

To the Group of Teenage Girls Dressed Up in Witch Hats, Who Came Armed With Truckloads of Harry Potter Memorabilia and Daniel Radcliffe Fan Zines:

You guys were kind of cute, mostly because you remind me of myself when I was 14 and very much head-over-heels in love with a certain band.

However, I do hope you don't wear Harry Potter shirts on a regular basis, because as cute as Daniel Radcliffe is in that pre-teen, geeky, pasty-faced sort of way, he doesn't look all that nice with his face stretched clean across your burgeoning chest, which, I must sadly say, is probably much larger than mine will ever be.

But never mind me.

Also, the large lightning bolt scar you drew with eyeliner across your foreheads is also very impressive and telling of your love and dedication to all things Harry Potter-related, and is indeed something I think is very creative, especially since our favorite hero has one, too. I do think, however, that there IS a limitation to how far you should go with the eyeliner, unless, of course, you're Johnny Depp channelling Captain Jack Sparrow, in which case I say, By all means, do wear all the eyeliner you want.

I mean, simply put, drawing lightning bolts across every last square inch of your face is not cool. Nor is drawing them across your arms, because then you just look like an over-tattooed, slightly off-his-rocker, washed-up rock star from the 80's. And that is not a very nice look to aspire to when you are a glowing and youthful 14-year-old.

Anyway, your enthusiasm was very cute nonetheless, and excessive and misdirected eyeliner or not, I would so much rather hold a conversation with you than the aforementioned Loud Gossip Girls.

Sincerely yours,
Lynn

~*~

To the Way Adorable Girl at the Table Next to Ours at Starbucks, Who Spent the Morning Explaining to Her Mom and Dad Why Harry Potter is So Cool:

Now YOU are too cute for words. When I have kids one day, I want them to be exactly like you.

Not only did you not once refer to me as "that old person," but you didn't reveal who dies at the end of the book and didn't call a single one of the girls at your school a fat bitch. Kudos to you.

Plus, your parents knew all about Hogwarts and every single last Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, which, I must say, is indeed very commendable. And as if that wasn't cool enough already, your mother -- who, from the sound of things -- seems to have a sort-of-crush on Alan Rickman's version of Severus Snape. So kudos to your parents, too!

Admiringly yours,
Lynn

~*~

Regardless of the Big-Mouthed, Ending-Revealing boy, I refuse to let him take away from my HP&HBP reading experience; I am happily reading away about Harry, Hogwarts and all that good stuff. Also, as if finally being able to hold the book in my greedy little hands wasn't cool enough already, I was also given -- compliments of B2S -- a Harry Potter shirt that will most likely never be worn outside the confines of my house, and a free frap from Starbucks. Thanks, B2S!

Currently Playing: Bittersweet Symphony by the Verve.

Currently Reading: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince by JK Rowling, of course. Six books on and still this series remains one of my most loved ever.