Chivalry, Oh Chivalry, Wherefore Art Thou, Chivalry?

The dental school I attend is a part of the international college at my uni, so we have our fair share of students who hail from all over, be it the US, Finland, South Africa, England, Bangladesh, or Australia. Last week, as I was walking toward the front door of the IC (international college), this Italian guy walking behind me did something for me no stranger has ever done before.

He quickened his pace, reached around, pushed open the door, and held it open for me with a smile that had enough wattage in it to light up the entire length of Broadway.

I have to admit he made me stop in my tracks, because, wow -- and let's be honest here -- there aren't that many guys who actually make an effort to do that anymore.

(Of course, the whole stopping-in-my-tracks thing might've been because he had the whole tall, dark and handsome thing down to a tee, was at least six-four, and the owner of a killer pair of baby blues. But, um, that's beside the point.)

Now, whether or not he's a charming rogue or simply a boy whose mama taught him well is of course up to debate. But still, it made me wonder why guys never hold open doors for us ladies anymore.

Or, to be more specific, is it simply THAI guys who remain completely clueless toward the concept of old-fashioned chivalry, or is it that European guys really know how to turn on the charm factor? (And believe me, if you saw this guy, you will realize I am not joking when I say his charm factor was to the power of infinity. Really. Charm was oozing out of his every pore.)

Now don't get me wrong -- it's not like I expect guys to toss their velvet coats upon muddy waters so their lady fair can cross puddle upon puddle without so much as soiling their silk-lined petticoats, but whatever happened to chivalry? I'm not talking gallant knights in shining armor upon white stallions here, but simply good old-fashioned gentlemanly behavior. Did it get swept away with the tides of evolution, only to be forever lost to civilization?

I don't know about you, but I'd like to think some guys out there still have a bit of that gentleman in them. But still, as optimistic as I'd like to be, I have to ask you, when was the last time you saw a guy hold a chair for a woman or help her with her coat?

Well, with the exception of male waiters holding chairs for female diners, I've never seen that here in Thailand. And don't even ask me about the coat, because there's obviously no need for coats in the sweltering heat here in the Land of Smiles. But even if there were such a need, I don't think I'd be seeing much of that, either.

As for holding open doors? My brother does that for my mom, and sometimes for strangers, even. But then again, that's only because I've rammed it into his head at least a zillion and one times that holding open a door for a woman can go a long way (believe me, we girls don't forget that kind of stuff very easily). And, okay, in all fairness, a number of guys I know have held open doors for me in the past, but complete STRANGERS whom I've never even met before?

Well, until Mr. Debonair Italian last week?

Never.

Of course, like I said earlier, his being Italian and all might've had a little something to do with it. I mean, c'mon, it's no secret those Italian guys live to flirt. (Anyone remember that scene in Under the Tuscan Sun, when a small group of guys practically stalk Diane Lane through the streets of Rome?) When my cousin went to Italy, she said she got honked at on the streets by 3 out of every 5 cars that passed her. And while it was kind of fun at first, it got downright annoying a few dozen honks later. Now, I'm no expert in math, but 3 out of 5? Italian guys are definitely not shy.

Which brings me to the men's side of the argument. Some guys might argue that such chivalrous behavior will only make us ladies suspect them of an "ulterior motive." Ya know, basically, "jeez, he's just holding open them doors to get into my pants." And as if that weren't confusing enough already, you've also got another group of women who adamantly insist , "hey, buddy, if I can rack up the dough, I think I can manage a measly door on my own, thanks." (And rightfully so.)

"Well," the modern-day man cries in sheer frustration, "what the hell am I supposed to do? Open the door, or not open the door? Help her with her coat, or dump the damn thing in her arms? Pick her up at her place on my white stallion, or meet her at the new Japanese place downtown instead?"

(And guys, you have my sympathy; I do realize all this is enough to make a guy go completely insane.)

So what do you think? Ladies, do you think chivalry is dead, and do you think it's necessary in the 21st century? And do you like guys to show random acts of gentlemanness (I just so totally made up a word there), or can you open your doors on your own, thank you very much?

And guys, do you think women who demand such behavior are woefully stuck in the 19th century? Or, even worse, do you think we fickle, modern-day women are utterly confused, what with the way we firmly plant our independent-minded, Manolo stiletto heels in the 21st century, yet leave our romantic hearts aflutter in the 19th? Also, do you think chivalry is bogus, and that we women are perfectly capable of opening doors on our own? (Ditto our chairs and coats.)

It'd be interesting to hear what others think.

Oh, and as for Mr. Debonair Italian with the killer smile and pretty baby blues? We talked briefly and I found that he was indeed mighty charming and easy to talk to. Unfortunately, ladies, he was also the biggest, baddest flirt since Giacomo Casanova -- all roving eyes, easy smiles, and wandering hands. I don't care if you're Prince Andrea Casiraghi of Monaco, please do not be all touchy-feely with me if I do not know you and have never even laid eyes on you before. As charming as you may be, too much charm, I have learned, can also stink up a room pretty bad.

(Well, okay. I lied. Maybe I would care a little if you were Prince Andrea Casiraghi of Monaco.)

EDIT: Oh, wow. They actually have a whole series of articles on Gentlemen Etiquette over at AskMen.com. Of course, some of those tips are just plain ridiculous -- "Do not curse"? Um, how is that physically possible? Someone enlighten me please, because I haven't the faintest idea. I mean, jeez, we girls want Mr. Darcy every now and then, not a freaking saint.

*****
Currently Playing: Hey Ya! by Outkast and Starry-Eyed Surprise by Shifty and the incomparable Paul Oakenfold, because these here songs will make you want to bounce in your seat and get up and shake your booty, even if you can't dance for squat (not that *I* can't dance for squat per se; I'm just saying. That's all). Oh yeah, Starry-Eyed Surprise also holds lots of memories for me, because it was while SES was playing on the radio that I got into my first car accident. Famous Thai Singer Who Also Goes to My Uni rams his shiny new BMW into my crap car while turning into uni, and I, unapologetically late for an Embryology exam, walk away with his number (for the insurance guys, obviously) and a totally believable excuse for being late for finals. Starry-Eyed Surprise? Gosh, you bet.

Currently Reading: The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time by Mark Haddon. Again. Because it is so strikingly clever and poignant, I just had to read Christopher's story once more.